Monday, March 24, 2003

And then there are those moments when something brings you back to full consciousness -- sometimes just for a minute or two, sometimes it lasts quite a while. (Not that you're ever really unconscious. It's just that now and then -- sometimes more now than then -- events, worries, fatigue are allowed to cloud one's vision.) And you remember how satisfying it is to be alive, and you can see the brilliance of existence shining through every single thing your eyes take in, animate or inanimate.

There's never any telling what will be the prod. Could be as simple as the expression of goofy, guileless pleasure on the face of a two-year-old stopping to gaze happily around after weaving its way through a long tottering course in a park, one or both parents hovering nearby. Could be stepping out into the late afternoon light of the city after seeing a matinee, the strange, plotted world on the screen giving way to you rising up from your seat, pulling your coat on, following people you don't know out of the theater where suddenly a sky of startling blue peeking through thin, high clouds spreads itself out above you, the shadows on the sidewalks long and sharply slanted, hundreds of people passing around you heading in as many different directions as there are to head in.

And maybe that moment will give way to moments more mundane, the more usual immersion in your day, and who cares? There will be things to enjoy in that, things to savor. Good food, an unexpected whiff of a subtle, pleasing odor, the angled shaft of sunlight running down a wall to extend across the floor, a moment of unexpected laughter, the sound of a friend's voice on the other end of a telephone line, a loved one's arms around you.

I didn't use to feel this way, you know. Some years back, my outlook was quite a bit darker, sadder.

Change is good.

Later.

rws 12:44 PM [+]

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