In going through archived e-mail, I found the following virus warning which I am (in the spirit of prudence) posting here:
**-- VIRUS ALERT --**
If you receive an e-mail entitled "Fighting Canaries," delete it immediately. Do not open it.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It will demagnetize the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It will reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
This virus will pour antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton lint (be honest, you have some) to migrate to behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current sweetheart behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors (HAW!) and throw things in a way that will only be fun until someone loses an eye.
It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinnitis.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which will grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Fighting Canaries" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam and cheese logs.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.
It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs of infection.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!