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Sunday, July 27, 2003 Heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me yesterday during the drive down to New Hampshire: Uday and Qusay Hussein were shot last week, but it's believed that Little Joe got away. Seen while waiting to turn onto a local two-lane from the I-89 exit ramp in Warner, N.H.: a Jeep moving by at a pretty good clip, top up. The front passenger seat was covered with loose fabric emblazoned with a nearly life-size image of the Tasmanian Devil, which (a) first appeared to be alive as the wind in the open Jeep made the fabric billow and move about, then (b) (as it quickly became clear it was only an image, not an actual, er, being) looked briefly like an inflatable Tasmanian Devil sex doll. Sign seen in a gas station/grocery store in Grantham, N.H.: Ignore the heat EAT MORE ICE CREAM From News Quirks, a weekly column ("odd, strange, curious and weird but true news items from every corner of the globe") appearing in Seven Days, an alternative newspaper based in Burlington, VT: Crossing the Line After the Rev. Jimmy I. McCrary Jr. was convicted of prostitution, members of the Morning Star Baptist Church in South Richmond, Virginia, forgave his temptation and voted to keep him as their pastor. Then the police mug shot surfaced, showing McCrary wearing a woman's wig and makeup. Realizing that he wasn't the john but the hooker, the congregation voted to reverse its earlier decision and oust McCrary. rws 7:24 PM [+] |
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Monday, July 14, 2003 Saturday it was muzak. Since then it's been jingles, and commercials trashing rock ‘n' roll. Last night: the TV's on, I'm in the kitchen during a commercial break getting some food ready to wolf down in front of an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm working away, the TV spewing commercial b.s. Suddenly: the box emits the opening chords of Suzy Q. Not a bad tune, thinks I. Then some knucklehead pseudo-rock singer starts up, I hear the lyrics, "Oh, barbecue... oh, barbecue...." An ad for a chain restaurant (who will likely never get their Suzy-Q-distorting hands on any of my $$$$). The ad ends, I stand in the kitchen smiling, shaking my head at the number of desecrated-song ambushes I seem to be experiencing lately. (Wishing, at the same time, that I could get some ad executive in a headlock.) This morning, post-shower, I note that my hair's gotten long and unruly. Long enough, unruly enough to warrant a warm-weather shearing. I grab the phone, give Acme Hair (Montpelier's wackiest, most eccentric hair joint) a call. No one's there, the shop's answering machine picks up. The message, a three-stanza jingle sung by the owner -- Tamsen, a madcap 58 or so year old woman with long sandy-colored (except where it's died pink or blue) hair -- plays in my left ear: "At Acme hair we love you, We really, really do. Come see the live sea monkeys, It's kind of like a zoo. So please leave us a message And we'll get back to you." After which Tamsen switches to a goofy, gruff voice: "Hiya, hiya, kiddios. No life stories, just your name and number. This is Froggy -- bye-bye." (Froggy – referring, I think, to a character named Froggy the Gremlin featured on a children's show called Andy's Gang from way the hell back there in television history.) This afternoon, I'm cutting the lawn. Plodding along behind the mower, surrounded by beautiful Vermont countryside, beneath late-afternoon skies. At some point I realize "Oh, barbecue..." has been going through my head over and over. I manage to clear my thoughts. I look around at the scenery, being here now, experiencing the present moment. Much better. A minute later, At Acme Hair we love you starts up. I manage to abort it. Oh, barbecue starts back up. I clear it from my head. Acme Hair returns. I manage to clear both of them from my thoughts, pay a bit more attention to the work I'm doing. No barbecue. No Acme Hair. No music. No jingles. I am the master of my domain. A short while later the Adams Family theme song gets going in that little brain of mine. It's continued playing on and off since then, but quietly, politely. I am kind of the master of my domain. I have a quiet, polite illusion of mastery. That will have to do. rws 10:09 PM [+] |
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Sunday, July 13, 2003 Another upside to life in the country: I can walk outside and take a whiz any time I feel like it (and have sufficient bladder ammo). Standing in the fresh air, surrounded by amazing views, watering the wildflowers. Not an option in Madrid. At least not if I want to maintain the last shreds of my self-respect. (There are those individuals who relieve themselves outdoors in Madrid, but they mostly stink of booze and have problems talking coherently.) Yes, I'm afraid it's true. I tend to pee outside when I'm here. At least during the few months when there's no snow on the ground and the place isn't teeming with blackflies looking to siphon off hemoglobin. And why not? It's easy, it's convenient, there's no flushing afterward (and therefore no handle to jiggle -- er, except mine). The air smells and feels great, the views are massively superior to those in the bathroom. And it puzzles the wildlife. Probably leaves traces whose bouquet gives the local red fox something to think about. Why am I going on about this? Because the first thing I did after hauling myself out of bed this morning was unlock the kitchen door, step outside, head around the end of the house then down the hill to the section of land I refer to as the UFO landing pad -- an extensive, flat, circular plot of mown grass with a fine view in both directions up and down the valley -- where I spent a couple of minutes enjoying the vista while passing a pound or two of ballast. Birds singing, the wide expanse of sky spread out above, air rich with the scents of grass, flowers, trees. Not a bad way to start the day. Oh, the simple pleasures. But enough about whizzing outdoors. Yesterday morning in Montpelier, during my brief visit to the town supermarket. Me, walking past the spritz-water. The in-store muzak (something I tend to ignore) suddenly caught my attention. Wasn't sure why for a couple of seconds, till I realized the musical pap of the moment had originally been a Steely Dan song. They're strange moments, that kind of recognition. I recently came across a scrap of paper containing a few words scribbled on a December morning in 2001, as I sat in Barajas Airport in Madrid. Waiting to board a flight -- 7 or so a.m., not many folks about, a few Christmas decorations strung up here and there along otherwise featureless walls. Just sitting, lost in bleary thought, until I realized that the p.a.. had begun a muzak rendition of "Albatross" by Fleetwood Mac (the original line-up). I looked around, startled, a neutered version of a classically obscure Fleetwood Mac number the last thing I'd expected to hear at that hour. No beat, no guitars. No real personality. Just the melody, all sugared up. I thought about that as I stood absorbing my first exposure to Steely Dan as muzak yesterday morning. And then I remembered the first time I heard a muzacked Beatles tune: Norwegian Wood, in an office building elevator. Felt kind of like an ambush, that occasion. I stepped into the car, the doors quietly closed behind me, my ears slowly picked up the quietly lush sound of many violins playing the Lennon-McCartney tune, my mouth dropped open. There never really is any knowing what's about to come around the corner in this life of ours. Sometimes it's muzak, altering old familiar tunes in strange ways. I have yet to hear muzak versions of anything by Nirvana or Pearl Jam or the Donnas or Weezer. But I mostly don't pay much attention to muzak. I don't tend to linger too long in joints that play muzak. There may be all sorts of music I love being transformed into aural anesthetics. On the other hand, I imagine every time a song gets muzacked, the writer gets royalties. A bunch of studio musicians make some money playing the new versions. Resulting in a product that will play quietly in the background as I pay a quick visit to a supermarket., occasionally providing a strange surprise. I'll survive. And maybe I'll spend more time at Montpelier's food coop -- a muzak-free zone. Later. rws 7:06 PM [+] |
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Saturday, July 12, 2003 Sloth. Indolence. This journal's current minimal activity is, I think, the most minimal of its nearly two years of existence. Feels kind of weird. Be real easy to slip into lack-of-productivity guilt if I allowed myself to slouch off in that direction. Not a place I've slouched off to very often, I notice, 'cause lower productivity comes from needing a break. I've written a lot for this bugger during the last couple of years (some of it actually worth reading). It's easier to maintain focus, crank out a page or two of text most days when I'm squatting in a rented piso in the middle of a wonderful city. Tons of fodder for production. Loads of people to watch, lots of street happenings to spy on, then run home and write about. And no homeowner-type work to wipe out the passing hours. No lawn to mow, no screen doors to repair, no shorted-out light switches to replace. Here in my little hilltop fiefdom, on the other hand, there's as much homeowner labor as I feel like taking on. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes it's a big pain in my shapely little butt. Depends on my state of mind, or on how tired I'm feeling. Since arriving back here 2½ weeks ago, I've found myself feeling tired. Surprisingly tired, surprisingly often, my body maybe still working on some version of Spanish time. I remain in Madrid stay-up-real-late mode, while at the same time already having absorbed the local wake-up-early thing. Not a great combo if one is looking to catch up on shut-eye. Folks around here have a strong tendency to get the day going promptly. Far more promptly than I'm looking for. Saturday morning in Montpelier, people are out shopping before 9 a.m, some stores being open at 8 a.m. Jumpin' Jesus -- that can't be healthy. And then of course everything shuts down early to compensate, Saturday Montpelier shutting its doors between 1 and 2 p.m., weekday Montpelier pretty much boarding itself up and going dark by 6 p.m. A few places stay open till 8 p.m., maybe 9, trawling for tourist $$$$. A handful of eateries remain open a bit later in a token show of civilization, for which I am deeply, pathetically grateful. A major upside: it is unbelievably beautiful in these parts. After a couple of gray, cool, rainy days, this morning's skies opened up, sunshine streamed down between fair weather clouds. Montpelier was pretty, folks were about enjoying perfect north-country summer weather, looking relaxed and happy. (Lots more clouds have moved in since then, cutting down on the sunlight. It's still beautiful, just with less radiance.) I had myself into town around 9:15. Grocery store, hardware store, gas up the car. A quick stop at an ATM, another at the library. Followed by a fine drive home via back roads, car radio tuned to Car Talk. Tooling along at a leisurely pace, along country roads as lush and green as one could possibly ask for, the hysterical laughter of two 50-something knuckleheads providing the soundtrack. Not a bad way to pass a mid-July Saturday morning. (Aaaaiiieeee!! Mid-July! Already! How the *%^#!!!!! did that happen?) But I blabber. There have been stories I could report, but they'll have to wait. Saturday afternoon calls. Later. rws 2:58 PM [+] |
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Tuesday, July 08, 2003 Have been working on rewrites for some of the early entries in this journal, will be doing more of that in days to come. (An example: August 30, 2001.) **************** A few genuine websearches, conducted through Google and its cousins, that have led people to this page in recent days: bedspreads with a track or cross country theme looking at men wearing pantys [sic] ghost hauntings in marshfield and plainfield vermont Diaper Pooping fuckin success soccer quotes reebok classic squish rws 5:33 PM [+] |
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Saturday, July 05, 2003 Someone finally did it. After a week and a half back in northern Vermont, a span of mostly high-temperature days during which not a single individual I ran into came out with the classic meaningless hot-weather conversation opener -- a fact I have appreciated tremendously -- someone finally let loose with it. This morning: July sun high and intense, the humid air hot and muggy. I pull into a parking lot, swing into a space next to a huge, hulking pick-up truck, one of Vermont's ubiquitous pick-ups-on-steroids. Sitting in the truck's passenger seat is a small 60ish woman, staring out at the world through sunglasses, expressionless. I've got a Spanish-language tape playing, she hears a bit of it before I shut the engine down and get out. She glances at me then quickly away, her expression looking dour, dark. Maybe the blaring of something other than English from my vehicle made her skittish. I go into the store, return ten minutes later. This time as I'm pulling my keys from my pocket I call out to the pick-up's occupant, "How's it goin'?" "Hi," she says, her expression relaxing. Then she comes out with it. I'm opening the door to the car, she laughs and practically shrieks, "HOT ENOUGH?" The shorthand version of "Hot enough for you?" No, ma'am, it's not. I'm hoping to reach the point of spontaneous combustion. Then it'll be hot enough for me. Then you'll see some post-July-4th fireworks. High-powered thunderstorms may roll through here later, some hazy overcast has shown up in advance of them, cutting down on the heat a bit. Which is fine with me. (Hmmm. Maybe it was hot enough.) ************************ Recent acquisitions: I must confess to two recent purchases which have brought me devices not normally found out here in the hills. 1) An espresso maker. A good one, a large bugger, capable of making two cups at once. (Not as big a deal as that makes it sound given that espresso cups are little teeny things.) Factory reconditioned and sold at a price that, given its performance so far, was a genuine bargain. A steal. Una ganga, as they'd say in Madrid. This is turning out to be one of the more brilliant purchases I've ever made. After a few days' futzing around, I've gotten the hang of it and have begun producing good, smooth cups of joe. Addictive stuff. In Spain, I go out, buy a cup somewhere, read the paper or watch people or let my thoughts wander. Here, I get a cup ready, take a pull off it, then find myself unable to stop so that before I know it I've inhaled the whole thing and need to brew up another one. (The first round: high-test; after that: decaf.) It's easy to go through three cups in no time flat. Not that I'm complaining. I'm feeling a bit too smug to complain right now. 2) This one feels more like a confession. One afternoon a couple of weeks back, me, drifting around the internet. Following links from one page to another. Just flying back and forth across what those with a gift for the grandiose call cyberspace. Until I stumbled across an article that led me over to epinions.com, where I found myself scanning a bunch of reader reviews of the roomba. Which proved interesting enough to keep me perusing, after which I went to the roomba homepage to snoop around there for a bit. Harmless fun, kind of intriguing, but not intriguing enough to get me to do more than snoop around. Later on, over at More Stuff 4 Less -- a dangerous webpage stumbled across via Lockergnome -- I discovered that an online store had a $40-off promo going for the roomba. Before I knew it, I'd ordered one. Happened so fast it left me surprised. I'd bought my first robot. A robot vacuum cleaner. Kind of embarrassing when I stopped to think about it. But there it was -- I'd pulled the trigger, there was no going back. All I could do was await delivery. Two days ago it arrived. I drag it out of the box, slip in the battery pack, plug it into a wall socket to charge up. Yesterday I got it going, starting off in the bedroom. Prep the floor (meaning move loose articles and electrical cords out of the way), put the roomba down in the center of the space, turn it on, set the room size. It comes to life, sounding like a cross between a vacuum cleaner and a wind-up toy. Starts working in a spiral pattern until it bumps into something, after which it moves around the space in more of a grid pattern, constantly modified as the machine runs into furniture, bed posts, walls. I watch for a few minutes, then close the door to the room, head off to the kitchen. As I eat, wash dishes, clean up, the roomba works away in the bedroom. Occasionally I hear the sound of it bumping into the baseboard heater in there. When it decides it's gotten the job done, it turns itself off. I head in there, inspect the floor. Clean. Even under the bed. I open up the roomba's little dustbin, empty it out, then put the machine to work in the bathroom. Same deal, resulting in a clean floor, everywhere but one or two places it couldn't get into, which I take care of with a brush and dustpan. After which I put the little bugger to work in the kitchen. Same deal once again. After which I find myself smugly thinking this may have been a purchase as brilliant as the espresso machine. So there you have it. I sip espresso while my robot slave takes care of the vacuuming. Mr. Fatuous, that's me. Right. On to the day. rws 4:06 PM [+] |